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Hey .net. Sorry to bring down the mood on the site. I just don't know what to do anymore. Could use some .net perspective. Well since the summer, I've found out that my heart is not doing as well as my Doctors hoped, that is really the start of a lot of problems. I have been putting off more tests and such and have been avoiding it. I had open heart surgery when I was 9 months old, and up until now. Everything was usually okay. So that really started to depress me and make me think about life, then my family starting struggling emotionally and financially. We have always been a f***ed up family, but now things are harder and tenser than ever. I'm a junior in college and so f***ing lost, I am so confused to where I'm at. I want to make films and work with art, but Vermont has very little to offer in the sense. All this stress has been weighing down on my and yesterday my girlfriend left me. We had been fighting more and going through some rough patches and she left me yesterday. She sent it in a text and has not responded since. I'm suffering. I cant really eat or talk to family or friends. I feel empty and hollow and I have no motive for anything. I introduced her to the school I planned on going to and now we go to the same school, she has a lot of close friends and I have few up here. I don't know what to do anymore. Part of me wants to just leave and not have to feel this pain anymore. I thought she loved me. I thought she cared enough about us to talk it through and have a real conversation. I guess not. Sorry for bitching about my american middle class life. I'm so full of shit for complaining. But I was raised in a world that teaches us to never be satisfied. Hope you're all having a good October. Conor
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Conor, a recently broken heart can make you do irrational things. stay focused, evaluate whats most important in the long term and keep cool. talk it out here.
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(((vibes))) It will get better phanner keep your head up!
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I'd say the number one thing to focus on is your physical health. If there's anything that you can do to bring that back online make sure you're doing it. Don't neglect yourself, especially with your history.Sounds also like your mental health is suffering as well, the mental and physical are symbiotic so if you work to improve one, the other will as well.
Don't let the problems of your family drag you down, focus on yourself. The pain from the breakup with your girlfriend will pass, again focus on yourself and your health right now.
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I've never been to the place you're describing so I don't have any first hand advice. I would say talking to a professional as soon as possible can't hurt in any way and might be just the thing you need. I hand out good vibes to you as I'm sure many others will. You'll also get some good first hand stories but what you seem to be looking for is a place to share (which you did) and get advice. That best comes from professionals IMO.Good luck.
Keep your head up.
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You have every right to complain my man, so sorry to hear of your situation. I truly hope that everything will work out as best as possible for you. Hold your head up brother! You'll be in my thoughts and prayers for sure. Remember, this is the best community in the world and we are always here for ya!
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@walstib said: I've never been to the place you're describing so I don't have any first hand advice. I would say talking to a professional as soon as possible can't hurt in any way and might be just the thing you need. I hand out good vibes to you as I'm sure many others will. You'll also get some good first hand stories but what you seem to be looking for is a place to share (which you did) and get advice. That best comes from professionals IMO.I agree with this. Don't take all this on by yourself....
Good luck.
Keep your head up.
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Everyone has there own approach to life's problems, but for me I try to look at the dark times and say to myself, "What can I take away from all this shit that will make me a better person?", because there is always something to be gained from every negative situation. I also try to look at what I have going that is positive. i) Roof over my head; ii) food on table; iii) not be attacked by some warlord. Right there, you would be better off than 75% or more of the people in the world.I am guessing it may be a nice day in Vermont, so take off and go do a hike and put some headphones on of Dicks 2012.
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Time heals all emotional wounds. If its not meant to be so be it. There are plenty of women out there. Youll get over it don't worry man.
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I am going to say a couple things. First I feel for you Conor. Been through some painful/hurtful stuff in the last 4 years. Today I am as close to back as I have been during that time. While all these problems seem to be compiling in your life at the same time I would give you the recommendation to seriously watch you health. About 4 years ago I had similar issues in my life and out of nowhere I developed high blood pressure, in my f-ing 20's. Seems like it even contributes to the hyper trophy I have in my left ventricle. My blood pressure is fine now but still worried about my heart. Anyway, the point is if you are tremendously upset and with your previous heart condition be vigilant if you are not feeling good. I hate to give the cliche answer and tell you how you will look back on this as a great learning period but you probably will.
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I've been hiding a lot from my friends and family about my life. I hadn't really explained very much about my heart's recent news to my girlfriend. I didn't want to worry her. So I kept a lot about my health from her. I'm in a very unstable place and loosing her was really hard. She was my sunshine and now as I feel is darkness.
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This is the time to shake things up. You need something to feel self worth. I would find a way to work with film and art. You should try to assist someone making a film, even if its just at the junior college level. Start to learn the craft. Make new contacts.
You also should be prepared to never feel satisfied unless you change your prospective. This is where you should seek professional help.
Let us know how it goes, I'm sending out vibes to you.
You also should be prepared to never feel satisfied unless you change your prospective. This is where you should seek professional help.
Let us know how it goes, I'm sending out vibes to you.
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Conor I can dig what your feeling. I have had rough spells before in my life and there is not doubt that it is hard as hell to even get out of bed sometimes man. It will get better, life has a way of turning around, and then it might get shitty again but you just gotta keep at it.
Only you can decide what will turn your head around but may I suggest a wilderness experience. These can even be guided or with an organization. I have always turned to "the woods" to get me to regain perspective. I don't just mean a day hike, like a month or something. Just throwin' it out there.
Either way good luck man try to stay busy...If you need anything ask here and I'm sure the .net can give you any back up you need...
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Can't really give you too much advice but I'm sending vibes man head up hope things get better
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Conor, you are at the bottom of the barrel right now so it may be impossible to see but things will get better. I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend. I was getting my heart torn to shreds at about the same time, through college. It sucked bad. Real bad. Do everything you can to focus on anything positive even if its just a nice breakfast or a nap or a movie. Make a list of things you are grateful for, that can really help turn things around. I think it's really good that you reached out to .net, hopefully you have some friends nearby you can reach out to as well. It's so hard to see now but your life will be so much better than this soon. Growing up can be a real bitch sometimes but its going to make you stronger in the long run. As far as your film making goes, you can forge your own path right where you are. Take a small idea, rent some gear, recruit some friends and hit it. Hope this helps man, my heart goes out to you
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Sounds like you need to go to KUNG FU tonight.http://www.liveatnectars.com/proddir/archive/67//ndate/0/100/?View=Today
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Things will get better. Why don't you go out and do something's you really enjoy doing? Do some things for yourself.
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Don't freak yourself out by worrying about where you'll be in the future or what's happened in the past (even if it was just a few days ago), focus on now. The only real mistake you can make in life is allowing your problems to disrupt your thinking so much that you can't learn from them. I think we're all on this planet to grow emotionally, morally, and spiritually, however we can. Take advantage of the opportunity to learn how to cope with this pain. If you never give up on trying to grow, then in the end you won't regret this life, which is only one of many. Never give up.
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My good vibes go out to you man, sorry to hear your having such a hard time with life right now. Things will turn for the better, they always do. I'm sure right now you're feeling like everything is going to shit. But realize that you losing your girlfriend and the recent physical health concerns are clouding your perspective to make you feel like everything in the world is wrong. But It is not.Be here, now. In the moment. Don't try to worry about everything all at once, thats only going to make shit worse. Handle one thing at a time. First and foremost, address your physical health. Trust me, I've put health problems off before and they only get worse. Get it checked out by a doctor/medical professional, it will be a load off of your shoulders.
Get out and do things you enjoy! sitting around and thinking alot when I'm in a bad place (mentally) will usually lead me to a worse place. Dont think too much, it complicates things. Go for a walk/hike, do something to keep your mind occupied. If you feel that your mental state is beyond your control, dont be afraid to talk to someone. If you dont feel that you cant talk with your friends about this, then go seek some professional help, tons of people talk to therapists/psychologists regularly, more than you might think. But dont keep all your negative energy locked up inside...trust me it will eat you alive. Let it out.
Things will get better my friend, in the meantime try to enjoy the small things and live in the present moment. Don't let negative thoughts control you, after all it is you who is in control.
Check out soulive tonight or tomorrow night at higher ground in Burlington if you need some good music to dance to.
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Lot's of good advice in this thread. I posted this thought in another thread the other day but it is worth repeating here:You are 20-21? Even if your life was half way over you would only live to 40! You have the majority of your life ahead of you. It is virtually impossible to comprehend but I can say with conviction that I changed (emotionally) almost as much from 20 to 30 as I did from 10-20. Think about who you were when you were 10 and who you are now. It is crazy to think about it like that but its true and I bet a lot of others feel the same way.
I am in no way trivializing what you are going thru. It sounds like a really bad spot in your life. I offer my thoughts as only perspective on the big picture. In no time at all you will look back at this and know that you are stronger because of it.
Take the advice of your fellow .netters and talk to a pro. That is the best advice listed in this thread.
EDIT: Second best piece of advice - Don't bury your feelings in a bottle, pipe, pill, etc... Sure most of us here like to party, most of us have probably gone home after a shitty day and felt that we needed a beer to wash the day away. That is different than hiding from serious issues with a substance. I don't know you and don't mean to suggest that you would do this but I felt it had to be said
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Just stay busy!
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Good luck
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You like awesome films, want to make them, and are a very cool guy! As a chick who has health problems and loves film...watch your Top 5 films over and over again this weekend and only do Connor's favorite things. Maybe even go see a film. A darkened theater does wonders for a broken spirit! Sometimes the solitude makes you realize what is really important and as a film-nerd, I know there is a shortage on awesome dudes to talk and appreciate film with! Thinking of you!
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Stay the course. Try to channel ur emotion into ur art. Some of the worlds greatest art was created as a direct result of heartbreak, pain and suffering. The last thing u want to do is make matters worse by drowning ur sorrow and loss in self-pity. I wish u the best and if u need to vent u have this community for support. Good luck man.
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@Pibbs said: I've been hiding a lot from my friends and family about my life. I hadn't really explained very much about my heart's recent news to my girlfriend. I didn't want to worry her. So I kept a lot about my health from her. I'm in a very unstable place and loosing her was really hard. She was my sunshine and now as I feel is darkness.i think you already took first step in healing by opening up and discussing your situation....whether your talking things out with family and/or friends or just venting on here in a fairly mature based forum (in these situations), getting stuff like this off your chest will lower your overall stress.
Being one with a heart condition myself, you need to make sure you take care of yourself to enjoy the future. I dont know exactly what is wrong with your heart, but with proper care, modern medicine can do wonders to keep your from needing a transplant now-a-days....
As far as your GF.... I know it sucks and im sure your sad about the whole situation, but as others mentioned...time will heal you....Keep in mind, that for every door that shuts, a new one opens... use the time between the two and focus on the things that matter the most right now....your health and your life long goal in the arts....
good luck brother and always know that we got your back...ever if we are just a forum of people you may never meet.
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I said something similar in another thread recently, but don't isolate yourself. Tell your family and friends about what you're going through. You said you haven't told your family about your health problems. Now I don't know your family or your relationship with them, so maybe there's a good reason for that. But as someone who has struggled with depression, I also know that in every rough time in my life, I've found it remarkably easy to come up with reasons I shouldn't tell family and friends about what I'm going through: I don't want to worry them, I can get through this myself, etc. But those were all just rationalizations. I wasn't doing myself any favors, and I wasn't doing any favors to the people who care about me and wanted to know how I was.All I'm saying is, make sure you have people in your life (not just on .net) that you can talk to about all of your problems. There's no substitute for face-to-face conversations. Also, consider seeing a therapist, especially if you don't have other people you can open up to, but even if you do. Many cities have cheap or free psychological services if money is an issue, just google "low fee therapy [name of your city]" and you will probably find something.
Good luck, and I wish you all the best. Things will get better if you want them to, but only if you try to make them better. Don't give up.
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My wife had an affair in 2009. Needless to say it was the worst year ever. Somehow we managed to work through it, now I have my dream job, she and I have a two-year old son who is absolutely wonderful, and we are the happiest we've been in 13 years. There is not a day that I don't think about what happened, and I won't ever be the same, but please do know that good will follow the bad, and the best times are still to come. You have to believe that and just ride out the shitty times. They don't last forever, and usually don't last as long as the good ones. Best of luck brother.
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@Pibbs said: I've been hiding a lot from my friends and family about my life. I hadn't really explained very much about my heart's recent news to my girlfriend. I didn't want to worry her. So I kept a lot about my health from her. I'm in a very unstable place and loosing her was really hard. She was my sunshine and now as I feel is darkness.shit man. i wish i could give you a hug. you sound like me inside of my own head, everyday. we dont share a lot of the same exact problems but our emotions are damn near mirror images. i cant tell you how to live with a broken heart because i haven't figured it out all the way either but the only thing i learned is that everything keeps moving no matter what and its always in our best interests to keep our heads down and just keep moving along with it. easier said then done but know that your not alone
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There ain't nothing wrong with changing your scene. Move to a city, move to a different town. Do what feels good.
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Not sure if this has been said but hit the gym, start feeling good physically an than you'll start feeling better mentally! It's worked for me though
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It has all been said @Pibbs, but where in VT are you? I am in Ludlow, if you ever want to grab a beer and get your mind off things PM me. Seriously. I am going through some rough shit as well right now. Could use some unwinding.
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Thanks for all the kind words and genuine advice. It means a lot. I hope you're all doing well yourselves. Peace and love everyone.
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Conor, there is some great advice here on the .net. Makes me appreciate this site even more. Having said that, if you ever get to a really dark place I mean REALLY DARK, and you contemplate suicide call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). It's the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and they operate 24/7 and free. They will help you find your way.
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We got your back @Pibbs. Now man up and go grab this life by the nuts. Oh, and the girl? More in the sea, I promise.
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Hey, man. Lemme know if yer ever in Saratoga Springs, I'll buy you a beers.
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Get your health in check first, no use to that Family if you are ailing. You'll get through this, matter of fact, the medical procedures will be be a great thing to focus on and take your mind off the break up, get that going and all else will fal into place, I promise you that. Do it up, bruh!
All my best to you.
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conor -- thanks for opening up to us...keep talking...take it easy on your heart!!!
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Pibbs - - - (*)(*) POSITIVE VIBES BEING SENT @ YOU (*)(*)
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Sending the vibes man. Make a film this weekend. It's your niche and something you accel at. Plus art is a good way to get it all out. Prayin' for ya man
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~~~~~~V~I~B~E~S~~~~~~
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Are you afraid to die?
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@Frizz, No I'm afraid of watching everyone around me die.
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Then why should you be afraid to live?
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Ending your life to escape the pain you're feeling is the ultimate selfish act a human can ever commit. Just when you think you're situation is so completely overwhelming that taking your own life is the easy way out....there are millions of people who have it worse than you that fight and continue to live.
Suicide leaves permanent pain and suffering to the living in it's wake. For each moment you have felt like ending it, think about how many more times you realized how beautiful and precious life is.
Changing your environment may help, but real change must come from within (sorry to sound too bumper sticker).
You may find solace in researching Buddhism and it's view on human suffering.
Don't ever give up......
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Whatever you do, stay alive. Nothing better than getting old so you can yell "Blasted Kids, Stay Off The Grass!" It is awesome.
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Lot of good advice in this thread...I'm not going to add much, since most of the important points have been covered, but at the very least..you should take care of yourself..and like someone else mentioned above...the rest will fall into place...It couldn't hurt to talk about these things with someone either..can only help...As for the girl situation...there is a lot of girls out there...but not all of them bring you lasagna at work...apparently this one didn't deliver...you'll find her...keep your chin up champ!
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This one is special. I pushed her away. Now I just want the pain to leave.
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Watch Empire Strikes Back right now. Then watch Teen Wolf. Repeat this cycle until you get back to Rock Star status. It won't take long. I live by this rule.
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So much good advice hereI'm sitting here taking it all in
Man, my heart is so broken....
Your young man, so much phssh ahead of you
So many cuties to meet at shows
Smile bro, force yourself to get some exercise, breathe
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It sounds like you need sunshine on a stick from @batshitcrazy to me.Pibbs, I'm sorry about your health status, family stuff, and your break up. I'd like to help you out anyway I can.
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