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What kind of footwear does a wealthy nut wear?....
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CASH-SHOES! HA!
Score: 15
You came up with that! That's Funny Man!
Score: 2
I want what he's smoking.
Score: 10
I don't know. I've never been close enough to Mitt to see his shoes.
Score: 4
The makers of popsicles will be giving you a call shortly.
Score: 7
Bazooka Joe worthy
Score: 7
Pass that bowl you just hit man
Score: 1
@DirtyAl1173 said: I don't know. I've never been close enough to Mitt to see his shoes.We have a winner.
Score: 0
Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all night folks!
Score: 3
Ha
Score: 0
Why did the bicycle fall over?It was two tired.
Score: 8
"And the scowl he received
as his only reply
Made him smile
as he relived the mention"
as his only reply
Made him smile
as he relived the mention"
Score: 2
A conservative, a moderate and a liberal walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll it be tonight, Mitt?"
Score: 4
Nothing splits my sides more than a silly pun. I love it! Very humorous.
Score: 0
@Colonel_DanTeca said: Nothing splits my sides more than a silly pun. I love it! Very humorous.I had this teacher in, like, the first grade who used to make this joke when we made a bad pun:
"That's 2/3 of a pun. P-U."
Of course she said this joke before we learned about fractions so it was lost on us for a few years.
Score: 1
lol...best stupid joke i know is...what do you call a camel without a hump?
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Humphry...
Score: 3
What's the cheapest kind of meatballs?Deer balls - they're under a buck.
Score: 11
What is a honeymoon salad?lettuce alone
Score: 1
What do you call a black guy who flies planes?.
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A pilot you f***ing racist.
Score: 19
over the weekend i got a permit to harvest shrimp. now i have a license to krill
Score: 10
What kind of clothes do snoop dogg's kids wear?.
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Oshkosh BIOTCH!
No seriously I wrote that one when I was like 15, one of my most proud accomplishments in life to date. If you chuckled, sent me a royalty check immediately.
Score: 5
@Meatballs said: What's the cheapest kind of meatballs?Your Handle, your picture, and this joke all made me laugh at the same time.
Deer balls - they're under a buck.
Score: 2
i'm taking part in a theatrical performance on puns, but really its a play on words
Score: 7
I once entered ten puns into a pun contest. I thought at least one would win, but no pun in ten did.
Score: 8
YES I am loving this pun thread! Keep em coming guys.
Score: 1
what kind of bees make milk?---
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boobies
Score: 5
Why did the element carbon jump into the soda can?
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It wanted to become a citizen of the carbon-nation.
Score: 3
How do you organize a party in space?...
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You have to planet!
Score: 7
i used to be a watchmaker. GREAT job, i loved it. made my own hours
Score: 6
I'm reading this great book about anti gravity. I can't put it down.
Score: 6
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?....
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Wiped his ass.
Score: 7
How do you make a plumber sad? .
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Kill his family.
Score: 1
what does a gay horse eat?...
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horse cock
Score: 1
what do you call a deer with no eyes.....--
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A no idea
Score: 4
why do humming birds hum???--
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They don't know the words.
-thats a Popsicle special-
Score: 1
Who do you call when you break your toe?A tow-truck. Ba dum chh!!!
Score: 1
Two sperm are swimming along, one turns the other and says "how long til we get to the ovaries?". The other replies, "itll be awhile, we just passed the tonsils."
Score: 8
Why did Ms Tomato turn red?She saw Mr Green Pea
Score: 1
@Bozo3 said: what do you call a deer with no eyes.....What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
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A no idea
STILL no idea.
Score: 2
@fakebeave said: @Bozo3 said:What do you call a deer with no eyes and no penis?what do you call a deer with no eyes.....What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
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A no idea
STILL no idea.
Still no f***ING idea.
Score: 2
How do you confuse a blonde?Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
Score: 2
What did the doctor say to the midget?
You'll just have to be a little patient!
You'll just have to be a little patient!
Score: 3
I ran into an old friend the other day, asked what he was up to. He said he was attending Culinary school. I asked, what's that like? He said, stirring, occasionally.
Score: 2
What did the robot say to the gas tank?Get your finger outta your ear I'm talking to you!
Score: 0
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Score: 3
Two atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I think I just lost an electron..” The other atom says, “Are you sure?”
"Yes, I'm positive"
Score: 2
What's red and smells like blue paint?Red paint..
Score: 1
A neutrino walks into a bar, slips behind the bartender, enters the kitchen, passes the cook, and exits out the back door. No one notices.