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Score: 0
At Echo Project I watched a wookette giving birth during the GZA set. I was just peaking on some 2ci. People were trying to get medical help, but they hadn't arrived. Some other wookette claimed to be a midwife and was coaching the woman through this. Her wook man is standing there shirtless and spun like top, just making these weird sounds while he is crushing his beer can and spraying coors light all over everyone. He looked really anxious about the whole thing, grabbing his face and just making grunts and stuff. The baby's head starts to crown and the medics still haven't arrived.
This is where it gets crazy...
It was so f***ing dusty out there and the baby and all the surrounding fluids were immediately "muddified" by the blowing dirt. I mean, its f***ing gross. All of a sudden, this f***ing kid (probably 19 or 20) in his oversized neon, flat-brim LRG hat, runs up yelling "welcome to the party bitch!" before he blows a huge plume of smoke right in the baby's face! While the umbilical cord is still attached and shit!
The smell was unmistakeable, this baby had just been deemster'd.
He must have pulled the hit from a bong, b/c it was monstrous. The surrounding crowd dropped their jaws, and someone tackled the kid as he starts to run away. He didn't make it more than 10ft and the he was probably blasting off about now.
The mom is clutching the dirty baby and trying to calm it. Though, strangely, the baby was not crying (tripping balls i guess?).
And while the dude is getting screamed at, the dad suddenly pounces into action. He jumps on the dude, and starts smashing said bisco kid's face with the crushed up beer can, of which he seemingly just can't let go. The bisco kid is kicking and trying to roll out of it and the wook-dad grabs the kid's hair w/ one hand. he finally let the can go and shoves his other hand half way inside the guys mouth. He is pulling his mouth open and RIPS HIS CHEEK OPEN! repeat: rips his f***ing CHEEK OPEN!
there is blood everywhere and the dude lets out this braveheart-like scream as he gets pulled off by the folks around him. Blood all over bisco kid's face, shirt and formerly fresh flat breezy. The cops/medics arrived about that time and took over the situation.
Shit was crazy as hell.
Score: 1
It's amazing how many Phish fans in that comment section are unable to grasp sarcasm when it is so blatantly obvious. The author's responses to some of the comments are just as funny as the article too.
Score: 1
@Superballin said: At Echo Project I watched a wookette giving birth during the GZA set. I was just peaking on some 2ci. People were trying to get medical help, but they hadn't arrived. Some other wookette claimed to be a midwife and was coaching the woman through this. Her wook man is standing there shirtless and spun like top, just making these weird sounds while he is crushing his beer can and spraying coors light all over everyone. He looked really anxious about the whole thing, grabbing his face and just making grunts and stuff.how could this LRG kid have yelled that while holding in a huge hit from a bong?
The baby's head starts to crown and the medics still haven't arrived.
This is where it gets crazy...
It was so f***ing dusty out there and the baby and all the surrounding fluids were immediately "muddified" by the blowing dirt. I mean, its f***ing gross. All of a sudden, this f***ing kid (probably 19 or 20) in his oversized neon, flat-brim LRG hat, runs up yelling "welcome to the party bitch!" before he blows a huge plume of smoke right in the baby's face! While the umbilical cord is still attached and shit!
The smell was unmistakeable, this baby had just been deemster'd.
He must have pulled the hit from a bong, b/c it was monstrous. The surrounding crowd dropped their jaws, and someone tackled the kid as he starts to run away. He didn't make it more than 10ft and the he was probably blasting off about now.
The mom is clutching the dirty baby and trying to calm it. Though, strangely, the baby was not crying (tripping balls i guess?).
And while the dude is getting screamed at, the dad suddenly pounces into action. He jumps on the dude, and starts smashing said bisco kid's face with the crushed up beer can, of which he seemingly just can't let go. The bisco kid is kicking and trying to roll out of it and the wook-dad grabs the kid's hair w/ one hand. he finally let the can go and shoves his other hand half way inside the guys mouth. He is pulling his mouth open and RIPS HIS CHEEK OPEN! repeat: rips his f***ing CHEEK OPEN!
there is blood everywhere and the dude lets out this braveheart-like scream as he gets pulled off by the folks around him. Blood all over bisco kid's face, shirt and formerly fresh flat breezy. The cops/medics arrived about that time and took over the situation.
Shit was crazy as hell.
i call nans
Score: 0
I also call nans, because I refuse to live in a universe where this actually happened. however, if it did, I'm sure the baby will be fine, considering its umbilical cord was still attached, meaning its lungs were taking in little to no oxygen at all, thus rendering the smoke in its face harmless.
Score: 2
Its a copy and paste from PT don't get mad at me. Welcome to the party bitch.
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and yes the comments are f***ing priceless."My mother went to a concert by The Phish 20 years ago. She was drugged with the reefers and she awoke naked in a portipotty. 9 months later I was born. I still do not know my father but some say his name is Jordan Harris Eisman and he has done this many times since then. All the people making fun of this article do not truly know the horrors The Phish has brought forth unto this world. It's too late for me and my mother, but it'snot too late to save yourself and your children."
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@Superballin said: Its a copy and paste from PT don't get mad at me. Welcome to the party bitch.mad?? I think its f***ing hilarious!
Score: 0
That copy and paste would have been funnier if someone hadn't just used it in another thread a few days ago.
Score: 1
That "copy pasta" would be funny if that shit stayed over on PT (where I would gladly read it) 
Score: 3
The wook picture is amazing. Why isn't he wearing any pants?
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when I read this thread last night, my mental image of the Bisco kid was this guy:
::insert cloud of smoke coming out of mouth::
"Welcome to the party, bitch!"
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@benevolution said: @Superballin said:agreed. it's just not completely plausibleIts a copy and paste from PT don't get mad at me. Welcome to the party bitch.mad?? I think its f***ing hilarious!
Score: 0
I love this guy's writing. Such cutting edge journalism. Edge of reality...
