1995 was a strange year.


(Giants Stadium, June ’95)

It’s amazing how clearly I can remember these months in the first half of the year. Every July/August we relive our final moments here and elsewhere…in written word and in silence. We always hit on the common themes: The decIine, the prophetic warnings seemingly coming true before our very eyes with every soulful Hunter ballad, the spine-tingling feeling that our future has already been decided and there was nothing we could do about it…


(Soldier Field Lot, ’95)

…except move forward. Keep doing what we’ve been doing. Keep doing the only thing we know how to do. For many of us this mantra was nothing new for we had been living under its tutelage for years.



Just make it to the next show.

It’s a good thing I remember, or else it would be difficult to separate what I experienced with what I’ve read and heard since. It seems I’ve talked about (defended for the most part) these last few months so much I can’t remember if I’m referencing how I felt back then or simply stating what I’ve come to believe since.

For today, I’ll rely on memory.

I’ll spare you any details about the Deer Creek gate crash, those last 2 shows at Soldier Field, or about how we all just knew 7-9-95 was the end even as the last fireworks were shooting up over the north end zone as Jimi’s Star Spangled Banner from Woodstock blared over the PA. Not today. Today, I just want to tell you what I remember…



I think the number is 51. I haven’t counted in a while but I know I’m right there. Summer tour had just ended, and the show count was already over the half-century mark for 1995. 51 shows by July!?! And Fall Tour mail order hasn’t even started yet? That seemed like alot. How many of you knew they played 50+ shows in '95?

For how tired Jerry looked up there, some of us were skeptical even before July 9th. They played shows in February, March, April, May, June, July…I think even the most oblivious of fans knew something had to give. You could feel it. I know I could.

My heart sank when the Spring ’95 tour got announced. No Rosemont, no Richfield, no Palace, no Hamilton…the closest Spring shows for me were at The Philly Spectrum. Ugh! That was strange. We didn’t mind too much I guess, we just figured we’d double our efforts once Summer came around. One cool thing was that they were playing some different places and seemed to be shaking up the normal schedule a bit. Salt Lake City, Seattle, Birmingham, Charlotte, these were not “regular” tour stops.

What the heck, I thought it was a good sign that they were shaking things up a bit. Keeping it fresh I thought. Of course it saddens me to know the reality now, they had to play more shows than any of them wanted to just to keep paying the bills. The Grateful Dead train was running downhill with no brakes…no choice but to stay inside and hold on…and go along for the ride.

None of my group made it out west to start the year in February, but as soon as the 3 show stand in Salt Lake City ended, we called 1-900-RUN-DEAD and listened to that long-winded surfer stoner dude give us the set-lists (making sure he took a full 2 minutes to recite each). Holy Smokes! Bustouts galore! Looking on paper, we were as excited as ever for Spring Break so we could make our trek to Philly (my only shows of the Spring). Opening with Weir’s tune Salt Lake City? Jerry sang I Just Wanna Make Love To You? And the biggie…for the first time since 1986…Jerry revived what I think might be one of Dylan’s most powerful lyrical tunes of all time: Visions Of Johanna. Woah…it sounds like they’re doing something different here. What could it be?

This is a very important point. I’m sure many of you feel this way about both bands. The music is what brings us there, but it’s the anticipation of what comes next that keeps us going to the next one. An insatiable crowd, we were. Ever find yourself drifting off in mid song…already wondering what the next song is gonna be? We can’t get enough! I know I couldn’t get enough, and with that anticipation we drove to Philly in March.

I still hadn’t heard any tapes from the previous shows, but there were some mumblings that Jerry looked tired up there. Some of us shrugged it off under the pretense that those West coast shows in February always serve as a warm-up to Spring Tour. Lots of new songs get debuted, and that always throws things off. No worries, it happens.
But when the lights went down I saw for myself. Jerry looked terrible. Mumbled lyrics and forgotten words were always forgiven, but this was even worse than usual. I was able to ignore it, though, because we had moments.



That’s what 1995 has to offer us…moments. There were enough of them to keep coming back, and there were enough of the other kind to warn you that something as about to explode. You should have heard The Philly Spectrum erupt when they busted out Alabama Getaway! You could also feel the energy get sucked out of the room as Jerry forgot roughly 90% of the lyrics. No biggie. It’s been a long time for that one, a little rust is understandable. But deep down we all knew this was something more.

But then, in set 2 (not sure if it was the same show) we got what we were looking for. Despite all the weirdness, despite all the unpleasant vibes we couldn’t ignore, despite that fact that you had to strain to hear Jerry’s guitar in some songs, despite the fact that our new soundman (Cutler? Matthews?) sucked rocks, despite the fact you could see Weir on many occasions chunk down an obnoxious burst of power chords and dart an angry stare over to his left when his partner in crime was lagging behind, despite the fact that Jerry seemed to age 12 years in the last 7 months, despite all of that…we got our moment. Of the few performances of Visions Of Johanna Jerry has given us this year, this one we got at The Spectrum may be the most powerful:





I know it sounds pathetic. We knew the ship was sinking and we knew we weren’t getting top-to-bottom mind-blowing quality performances on any given night. We knew we were taking steps in the wrong direction, but we ignored all of that. We were able to ignore all of that.
Why?

Because we had our moments. And at the end of the day that’s all we were really asking for anyways. One more moment. Like a 3 year old who never gets tired of playing on the swing set. He wants to go down that slide one more time. “Again!” the child pleas, even though you know damn well in your heart they will still want one more after that…and after that…and after that…

It kills me to think Jerry probably looked at us in the same vein towards the end. What he was giving us was good enough, but it just wasn’t enough. We kept him moving forwards, with our desire to have just one more magic spell cast over us. We wanted our moment.

NOTE This write up is FAR from being over. But I will stop my personal account here (we still haven’t left Philly yet, and I have A LOT to tell about the Summer still.)

____________________________________________________

This show was almost impossible to choose. Those who know the catalog well can probably smile and appreciate how hard this one was for me. Pick a 1995 show. For starters, we barely have half of the 1995 boards circulating (funny how that works when Danny boy isn’t around).

But I picked this show for one very specific reason. This show contains something special many of the other ’95 shows didn’t have. Sure…many of the others had highpoints and enough positive things I could point to, but this show has something else. We get it towards the end of Set 1.
We got a moment!

This is one of the weirdest versions of Birdsong you’ll ever hear. We get a complete improvisational breakdown…the only thing I can compare it too is the Playin’ chaos from 7-29-88 Laguna Seca. This is the stuff we chase, the moments that remind us that this band still has it when they want it, and they can still do it at any given time. The only problem is you have no idea when that time comes, so you have to chase those fleeting moments. Is the next one around the corner? At the next show? Next stop? Next tour?
We only had one way to find out.

Exactly 9 weeks before Jerry passed quietly on August 9th, our moment came during Birdsong.

___________________________________________________

6-2-95 Shoreline Amphitheater

mp3 (part 1): http://www.mediafire.com/?rjq8ir051ekumad
mp3 (part 2): http://www.mediafire.com/?91fg63rkt1o1u2l

SET 1

Alabama Getaway
Greatest Story
Candyman
Good Morning Little Schoolgirl
Ramble On Rose
El Paso*
Birdsong
Promised Land

SET 2

New Speedway Boogie
That Would Be Something
Way To Go Home
St. Of Circumstance >
He’s Gone >
D/S (chanting by Gyoto Monks)>
Easy Answers >
Standing On The Moon >
Around-n-Around

(E) Lucy In The Sky

Notes

*Weir on acoustic.

Birdsong contains a meltdown of epic proportions.

Schoolgirl is HOT! This punchy new arrangement was played a few times in '95.

That Would Be Something was a rarity. It's a Paul McCartney tune they played on rare occasions. The simple groove is addicting.

This Standing On The Moon might be one of the most heart-wrenching things you've ever heard.

[To be continued…]

Amazing write up. Very interesting to hear where you were during this time.

That pic of soldier field lot....WOW

Always enjoy WW and especially the write ups.

This shoreline run was the last 3 Dead shows I ever saw. (Saw Oakland and Sam Boyd run too)

Thanks for stoking the memories Mike.

Excellent pick! One of my favorite Spaces of the Vince era. I know this one simply because my wife's birthday is 6/9, so I've listened to 'em all. She's not really a huge Dead fan, but her actual day is 6/9/77--lucky gal to have a birthday show like that, Winterland and all.

Bump

I remember my friend coming back from the Soldier Field shows and we're talking at a party over a keg like the night he gets back and he said to me, "I don't know what it is but I can honestly tell you that after what I saw in Chicago, The Grateful Dead will NEVER be the same again!" And that's all he could say.

Fast-forward exactly one month and BAM!! I can't sleep at like 6 in the morning(?!?) and my girlfriend says, "what's wrong baby?" I said I couldn't sleep. So we went and got breakfast somewhere which was VERY unusual as well for us. We come back from breakfast and Kurt Loder is talking about it on MTV. f***ing aweful.

thanks for the Sunday bump- I neglected to snag this during the week, and I definitely need some more 95 in my collection.

great write up too.

Thanks for the great words, Mike. I have said before that I sometimes find it funny that a man in Detroit that I've never met has provided a good chunk of the soundtrack for my college years. So, yeah I'd say you are keeping things going. I'll see what I can do on my end when the time comes.