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After a wonderful weekend being home, easing into December, I've had a lot of time to think and reflect on my life the last 23 days. As difficult as some moments were, I feel like I'm moving forward healthy, and with a renewed sense of self, and what I want to do to become a better man. My tight circle of friends has been instrumental in much of these new awakenings. I have one more court date on the 12th (lets hope it goes better then Peabody) then I can put all this shit behind me and move on, with a clean slate. Feeling really good after some great conversations with people that are very, very important to me. I'm just about ready to crawl into bed and drift off into a beautiful slumber with a particular person solely on my mind. I hope .net had a great weekend and most of you are gearing up for a wonderful month ahead. Life is beautiful, my friends. I'm getting to a place where I can breath and sleep easy. Much love.
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Cheers to healthy living Ron. See you in NYC man.
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Unfortunately, my recent incarceration will prevent me from hitting MSG. I have been on a seasonal work lay off the last 2 months. We don't start work again until the forst week in Jan. I got a warehouse job I was gonna keep for until then to fund my trip to NYC. I lost that job when I was sent to Middleton for a month. it would be virtually impossible to obtain a job so quickly before the run. Jail wasn't all that bad (in an optimistic, making the best of a shitty situation kind of way) so it seems like my real punishment here is missing the run. I can't dwell on it too much because it's my mistake to deal with. I would be lying if I told you this doesn't sting like a mutha fucker though. Asi es la vida.
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Thank you for your kind words though
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Hey Ron don't know you but I myself am dealing with a recent incarceration and it seems to me like you are going through a lot of what I am. A lot of self revelations and such and its good to read you're keeping you're head up. The universe/god/w.e you believe takes care of those that truly need help getting back on the path they were meant to be on even if its not the most ideal way you would have wanted. Stay safe phriend and good luck to you.
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It sounds like you are in a happy optimistic place. I'm glad to hear it! Sleep well .netter
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I was in Sweden for a year and I always liked the word sleep in Swedish. sova.
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@TheWedge, much love, brother. Yeah, you know how it is then. Inside there is nothing to do but reflect. Reflect on the decisions that landed you there. What makes it even more unique is it's a complete one sided thought process. There aren't any friends to open up to. People you can trust to confide in. On top of being in that environment where you have to shut down on the outside for fear of showing weakness, you are truly alone with your thoughts. My life as a whole has really been kind of a mess for some months now. I had lots of time to think about what that means, how I let things fall apart, the decisions I have made, not just recently but in my life as a whole. What happens to us at this moment isn't always a result of recent decisions we've made. But rather a pattern throughout our lives. Patterns that have shaped our thought process into making decisions daily. A way of living our lives per se. Bad habits have a way of becoming the norm and affecting us daily to the extent that we can't even see what is harmful anymore. We just learn to cope and deal. Well, I don't want to cope and just deal anymore. I want to make deep, impactful changes to ensure I can live the most healthy, productive life possible. It's about changing on a deep molecular level. Change like this is scary. It forces us out of our comfort zones. It's easier in many respects to learn to deal with disappointment then to make severe changes and learn how to live again. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Hurt a lot of people. I have been carrying this guilt around with me for many years and it has no doubt shaped parts of my personality in negative ways. I'm trying to figure out how to fix these negative traits so I can stop repeating the same mistakes over and over again. It's a process but I know I have it in me to face this challenge. I have resigned to the fact that I can't do it on my own. My pride, while admirable at times, has been hindering me from accepting and seeking outside help. I think I'm in a place now where I can move forward and use the love and support so many people that love me have been giving me for many years now. It's time to live. It's funny how something like getting locked up can give you perspective like this.
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Good luck guys. I was just thinking yesterday it would sick if they played Sleep Again > Sleep.
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Sounds like you got yourself in the right frame of mind to move forward in a positive direction...The past is the past...can't change that...but sounds like you've done enough reflecting to realize that...I wish you well brother on your future endeavors..Oh and F the Pats!
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and the red sox can still eat a richard
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i never sleep, 'cause sleep is the cousin of death
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@nematode said: i never sleep, 'cause sleep is the cousin of deathI've been on a Nas and AZ kick all weekend.
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@gonephishn11 said: Good luck guys. I was just thinking yesterday it would sick if they played Sleep Again > Sleep.Saving it for late 3rd set on nye. In serious, don't know what happened bostonron but if you're in a good place now than there are worse things than missing a few phish shows, you will see the band again, promise.
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@poonutties said: @gonephishn11 said:Thanks man. I'm getting there. We can all use time to reflect. Funny thing is, some recent events before any of this went down had me feeling like I needed to make some changes. Part of me believes these thoughts may have just been fleeting. Like in the past when I felt the need to make changes. But due to fear and/or laziness I just shrugged them off and never really did anything about it. This time around though, in addition to getting locked up, it seems like I have done some really damaging things to people that are very close to me. I can't be ignorant enough to ignore all the signs this time that point to me needing to make some changes.Good luck guys. I was just thinking yesterday it would sick if they played Sleep Again > Sleep.Saving it for late 3rd set on nye. In serious, don't know what happened bostonron but if you're in a good place now than there are worse things than missing a few phish shows, you will see the band again, promise.
Life is hard sometimes. At times it can feel unbearable. Lots of weight has been bearing down on me this summer and everything seems to be coming to a pinnacle as of late. I need to harness these energy forces and use them for positive change. Instead of stuffing everything deep down and letting things stew. That's been my problem in the past. Nut up or shut up is the theme here.
And yeah, missing the run stings but I have been coming to terms with missing a few shows. Like I mentioned above, missing the shows seems to be my real punishment here. I've lost a lot over the past few months. Stuff a lot more important to me then a few rock concerts. While it would be great to see the band over the holidays with my friends, it seems like that just isn't my path right now. It's time to stop being so selfish and deal with things now so i can live better for the future. I've seen almost 100 shows in my time. I'll hit that magic thee digit number early next summer. And I'll do it as the happiest, healthiest Ron ever. And that, my friends, will be the reward for all my dedication and hard work.
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Now, I must shut my mind off for a few hours and try and get some sleep (the original theme of the thread). Lots of love to everyone here on the site that has shot some kind words my way, or even in any direction of a netter who has been in need. The compassion, selflessness and consideration seen on this site during my time here is truly inspirational. It's amazing how the blessings of people I haven't even met in real life can give me wings during times of need. Goodnight .net. May you all dream sweetly.
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Why is it so fucking difficult to sleep through the night lately? I'm on a schedule of two hours (at best) of sleep then an hour up. Rinse and repeat. My goddamn mind won't turn off for the night allowing me to relax and get a decent nights sleep.
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@bostonron said: Now, I must shut my mind off for a few hours and try and get some sleep (the original theme of the thread). Lots of love to everyone here on the site that has shot some kind words my way, or even in any direction of a netter who has been in need. The compassion, selflessness and consideration seen on this site during my time here is truly inspirational. It's amazing how the blessings of people I haven't even met in real life can give me wings during times of need.I know the feeling of blessings by strangers. The people on this site have been more encouraging and less judgemental than people in my day to day. I feel like I've found a real, caring community to be a part of. I'm very new here, but have true affection for dot net people. It has become a part of my life, as of late, to check in. I get a lot of smiles from here. Some of the most hilarious folks around.
Goodnight .net. May you all dream sweetly.
But I can't always sleep either, and here is where I come. Positive Vibes to you, brother.
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Hola, insomniacs! Welcome to my world!@bostonron: I am so happy for you and the positive place from which you're now starting the first day (night?) of the rest of your life! You are one of the most intelligent, caring, and strong people I know. You so got this!
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Thank you @ivy_light. You've been one of my biggest cheerleaders since day one. I adore you like a sister. I can't thank you enough for you continued love and support over the last few years. Lots of love to you, now and forever.
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@bostonron said: Why is it so f***ing difficult to sleep through the night lately? I'm on a schedule of two hours (at best) of sleep then an hour up. Rinse and repeat. My goddamn mind won't turn off for the night allowing me to relax and get a decent nights sleep.Whenever I can't call out cause my mind is racing I play that Beatles song "turn off your mind, relax and float downstream" in my head and the next thing I know I'm in dreamland. Don't worry man with your positive tude things will be alright. Stay the course, but know it will be a long and challenging road ahead. The important thing to remember is that it is ahead, not back. Peace and best of luck.
Almost forgot - f the Red Sox!
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Much love Ron! You know I got your back.
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I can' describe the feeling when,I'm in my bed asleep and then,
I wake up with a vision blurred,
and all my efforts are deterred,
to reconstruct this image lost
Keep on truckin dude. I hope all continues to resolve in the next few months. And I hope that you can find sleep a little easier in the near future here.
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