My axis of power when trolling the local bars for tail. Last night I was able to do all three in one sentence, she was floored - as in my bedroom floor.

@YorkvilleBeerLover said:

are you going a-camera

Looks like he already went brah

Improvise, adapt, overcome.

That's more my m.o.

@_________________________ said:

I usual open with "so, come here often?"

...and then point to the crotch region

After nearly 20 years of marriage, seduction of my wife has been reduced to pointing at my wiener with a shrug.

@JayDubya said:

After nearly 20 years of marriage, seduction of my wife has been reduced to pointing at my wiener with a shrug.

What about the dry hump in the morning?

@johnnyd said:

If that gets the job done, more power to you...

That's the thing. Maybe it's time to step up my game.

You're mother is a whore, and you seem like such a nice girl, but before I say more know that she slept with me slept last night.

Something along those lines?

I love this game!

@JayDubya said:

After nearly 20 years of marriage, seduction of my wife has been reduced to pointing at my wiener with a shrug.

I just poke her from behind while we're spooning in bed, she knows what's up

So was it one complete thought that did all three, or like a compound sentence with three full, distinct thoughts? The former is way more impressive; I hope its that...

@spacecoyote ...and it's got hair in it!

@JayDubya said:

@johnnyd said:

If that gets the job done, more power to you...

That's the thing. Maybe it's time to step up my game.

@Euclid said:

@johnnyd said:

So was it one complete thought that did all three, or like a compound sentence with three full, distinct thoughts? The former is way more impressive; I hope its that...

A compound sentence is a dick move.

I can see your vagina through those awesome pants and you need a wax.

"You look like you're a DMB fan."

@walstib said:

How about in haiku form:

You look like a slut
with great tits
and a butter face

You forgot four syllables.

@deBebbler said:

@walstib said:

How about in haiku form:

You look like a slut
with great tits
and a butter face

You forgot four syllables.

Shows how much I remember from High School. I thought it was 5-3-5. oops. It's a lazy American version of a Haiku!

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get ...in the shower. Use wash cloth , long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone... Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

I was on that shit Holmes, ha. Troll face indeed

5-7-5

So what will I do
It doesn't even matter
Sweet marijuana

Red blood drips slowly
freezing warmth in cold white snow
Stop picking your nose

So I'm out at the bar again last night and I find another situation where the axis empowers.

::Gets hot female bartenders attention by insulting her in front of manager::
I didn't want to interrupt you since you seem to be busy with your Johns, but I need you to do your job and get me another beer.

::Hot bartender speechless, manager amused::

::Looks too the manager::
I'm going to insult your hot bartender again so I can have a few more seconds of eye contact with her before she decides to start doing her job again, ignorant of her "regulars" and oblivious to all of us.
::Manager laughing, bartender silent::
The totality of your uselessness is equal to or even greater than your physical beauty. I find it unfortunate that you respond so well to insults and so poorly to common manners.

::Hot bartender speaks, defends herself, meaningless while bringing drinks::

::Entertains hot bartenders defense::
If we were only using the last ten minutes as an overall judgement, you may be correct. Sadly, me and your manager here understand each other. It's not about the thousands of dollars I've spent here or the dozens of hellos I've given you.

::Hot bartender silent, waiting for the point::
It's about your great tits, your pretty face and your extremely firm ass.

::Walks away::