@Slewfoot said:

@LizardwithaZ said:

Look many of us, I’ve thought about this a lot. @mountainjaminthemist, is there anything .net can do to help? Can we send you a little something to help with food or anything? I’d love to pull together and send a Door Dash gift certificate to help out so you don’t have to worry about food as much. Anyone else want to contribute?

Happy to help. Great idea.

When I got diagnosed with cancer, and treatment began in earnest, everyone offered to make a meal. When, in desperation, someone just sent a dozen chocolate covered strawberries from Edible Arrangements-- a nice, if desperate gesture, we made a plan.

Our friend is a private chef, and so we asked people to donate to her, and she made us meals on a declining balance.

It was great. For all. We-- the whole family-- got fed healthy food during surgery, recovery, and treatment while not having to worry about where it was coming from. A local business owner got some money. And people got to contribute without us having to deal with 800 lasagnas, returning tupperware, etc.

I don't know where OP is, but this would be an easy way for people to send $$ to a specific need and convenience. Just as a suggestion.

//

Like so many others, I can't stop thinking about this, and was talking about it with my wife last night. She sends her best as well, we know from family and hospitals these last couple years. Sending all of our love....

And your bravery in dealing with this, your family, your neighbors-- I salute your strength. Remember, these is no RIGHT in this situation. There is no playbook. There is only your honesty, your feelings, and the best you can do. You're clearly doing that, OP, so don't give social graces a second thought.

Here's a great article my shrink shared with me in dealing with others on cancer treatment, and I recommend it TO ALL to read. It's called the "Ring Theory," and basically it says that at the center of every trauma is the greatest sufferer. And it expands out in concentric circles. The Family... Close friends... Extended family... Acquaintances... Phish Board Members (Lulz)... All the way out.

https://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-xpm-2013-apr-07-la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407-story.html

And the point is NEVER DUMP GRIEF IN. Never put your worries into the smaller circle; always accept the grief and trauma coming to you from the middle.

I send this out. A LOT. And encourage everyone to read it-- if for no other reason than the true and brutal kicker at the end. But to it's point, OP-- you have no apologies to make or justifications to offer. "Rational," does not exist for you right now, only the moment you have. You are in the middle, and everyone in your life should be there to take your grief on.

Thinking of you.